The mom manual

The Mom Manual


As a mother, I know we are often seen as the nagging, annoying type. Moms do an awful lot of whining and it makes it sometimes very hard to live with us. This is why I am offering you this manual. It's not a complete manual, just a bunch of helpful hints, kind of like a quick reference guide. At the very least, it will help you deal with some of our issues in a way that will produce less nagging, making your life a lot easier. And ours :) Enjoy!

- There are two basic steps to the process of operating a door. The first, opening it and stepping through it, you seem to have mastered to perfection. Excellent. There is however a second step: close the door behind you. Work on it, especially if the door leads to an unheated area like the hallway. Not only does it help save energy because the cold won't get into the heated room next to it. It also prevents cold drag which we hate, with a vengeance. Save the planet, start with mom's cold feet.

- Contrary to popular belief, we do NOT enjoy scavenger hunts to retrieve all the cups, glasses, cutlery and porcelain scattered throughout the house. We growl whenever we open our kitchen cabinets only to find half of the things there are missing, we growl even more if those things aren't even in the kitchen at all. If you use it, take it back to the kitchen so it can get washed and used again.

-Taking a clean glass or mug for every drink may be common practise in bars and restaurants, but it's not around the home. It is perfectly aceptable and in fact encouraged that you use the same glass for both soda's you pour yourself. On the other hand using the same mug or glass for days in a row isn't acceptable either. As a general rule of thumb, make sure it gets washed at least once a day.

- We have this wonderful item known as a hamper. It's where the dirty laundry goes. It is in fact the only place dirty laundry should go. Dropping dirty clothes where you took them off, or placing them in a pile over a chair so you can put them in the hamper at some point in the future, is not acceptable. If you want it washed, put it where it should be. If it's not there, don't be surprised if it doesn't get washed and you run out of clean undies.

- If you want pets, don't try and convince us of the fact it really won't cause us any extra work. We are mom, we know it will. Sure, during the first few weeks you will feed it, groom it and walk it if it needs that. After that, you go back to being your lazy self and it's us ending up taking care of it. Don't insult our intelligence and professional expertise by stating it is otherwise.

- Don't ever tell your friends that we do not work as long as we are within hearing distance. It angers us. We may not get paid for what we do, but fact of the matter is we are fulfilling a life long volunteer job here, with no vacation, no bonuses, no sick leave, and no chance at retiring or quitting. Yet we are required to display sufficient to expert skills in a myriad of areas. Cleaning lady, cook, procurement manager, financial wizard, tutor, walking encyclopedia, psychologist are only a few of the many positions we fill in this household.

Keep these things in mind and you may find we are actually quite easy to get along with.