Clicky bits

As I have mentioned before, I play SecondLife, an online virtual world. One of the things you can do there is.. to have sex. Or rather, watch your avatar and that of your partner have sex. In order to make this experience more realistic, it is possible to buy genitals for your avatar which, when clicked, will pop up a menu letting the clicker choose an action, after which the genitals will respond accordingly by saying something in open chat, in green, to distinguish from the normal chat which is shown in white. So, it will look something like "Frank's Penis whispers: "Ooooh yes baby, I so love it when you do that".

Fun? Well frankly.. whispering genitals freak me out. There is something utterly non erotic about them announcing their being "ready for action" then describing every next step in detail in open chat. Preferably in a public place, so all present get their share of the ultimate joy the wearer is experiencing.

Up to a certain level I can understand scripted bits. I mean, male parts in real life have different states of being, so scripting them in SL for a realistic look according to the mood does make sense to me. But the constant, annoying whispering.. *shudders*.

Granted, they are a fine piece of scripting and fairly well sculpted as far as they are visible but thats all. The built in cyber annoys me to no end. It's bad, and even if you go through the trouble of altering the script and writing the lines for your own genitals, it's still dull and soporific. Sex online already lacks the presence of a warm body to hold and the smell, sound and taste of actual sex. Is it really necessary to also remove the only thing that does remain: creativity and stimulating the mind? Do we really like making out with a preprogrammed virtual version of a rubber doll?

And then of course there is the fact you have to click them to get to the next line in the script. Try that in a laggy environment. Or even in a non laggy environment, but using animation balls. Many positions make it almost impossible to click the correct bits. Try clicking his manhood while having sex with him and find the huge invisible ball that is your own clit majorly gets in the way. This probably is the reason why Xcite, the main vendor of genitals in Secondlife, sells all kinds of scripted body parts. Can't get to his tender bits? Oh well, grab a nipple or pinch an ass. Oh and if you click the ass, don't forget to use the "inserts something warm and hard" option. That one at least leaves room for imagination, although with my twisted mind all the "warm and hard" things that come to mind make me giggle.

And then of course, there is the crescendo of it all. Orgasm! Sending female avatars into facial spasms that in real life would make me run to the phone and call an ambulance, and causing male avatars to create a fountain of sperm the average horse would be jealous of. Ladies, don't forget to try this while being on top of your male partner. There is something extremely hilarious about watching that fountain spring from your own spine. Ohyessss baby, shoot straight through me.

People have tried to convince me the good part about using the clicky bits is the fact you don't have to do as much typing so you have your hands free to do.. well.. other things. This may be true, but if that is the goal.. wouldn't it make much more sense to watch a porn video? Much more realistic and no interruptions from having to click things. Nooooo, say the clicky bits fans, that's no good, because it lacks the interaction. Well excuse me but.. what interaction? The one with the script in the other persons bits? The having to pick an action from the blue pop up menu and the excitement of never knowing which of the very few options the other person will pick next from that same menu? Oh wow *yawn*.

I prefer good, creative cyber over clicky bits any day of the week. Excite my mind and my body will follow. If you can't do that.. don't bother.