1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
8. I don't work here, I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. That isn't an office, it's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, and disorder --- my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different
41. Do you teach Ebonics or just practice it?
42. I like that outfit. My Redneck Barbie has one just like it.
43. Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery.
44. Somebody shoot (him/her) and put me out of my misery.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Many rivers to cross
While sitting here, listening to Joe Cocker singing his fantastic version of "Many rivers to cross" I cannot help but wonder what is happening to this world.
So much violence, war, hatred and destruction is going on. In their hunger for power governments all over the world are taking decisions that only lead to more violence, more hatred and thus more war and destruction. People are starving while others have more money than they will ever be able to use for themselves. We are killing each other, killing this planet and it seems as if we all think this is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. We have become numb, living our own life as well as possible, and trying to ignore what is happening to the rest of the world.
We, all of us, have been poisoned. Nobody knows when and how exactly and the poison is non tracable and very slowly working. But it is in our veins and it is killing us. And meanwhile it is making us insensitive to all the badness that is going on. Oh yeah, another murder, another town blown to bits, another country dying of a killing disease. Yeah, it's terrible, what's for dinner?
There is an antidote. It is very easily obtainable, in fact we all already have it in us and all we need to do is activate it and it will start breaking down the poison. Its name is hope. Hope for a future, hope for humanity to finally come to its senses, hope for the planet to be saved before its destruction has reached the point of no return. Hope has the power to make things work, and to make people work together towards solutions and a future.
Unfortunately, many of us have already lost hope. You can see it in their eyes, notice it in the way they continue living without a meaning. The poison has numbed them, and they are asleep. Asleep... but not dead yet. And they can be woken.
All it takes, is for someone to give them a real good shake. Someone who has hope, and is able to light a spark of hope in another person. Just like the poison is spreading like a disease, so can hope do the same thing. Many of us may have lost hope, but that does not mean humanity as a whole has no hope left.
Look around you. See the people that keep on fighting, keep on inspiring others, helping others, teaching and guiding and showing the way. They are everywhere. From the friend that lends an ear or a shoulder to the spiritual leaders of this world. From the teenagers that somehow kept their faith in truth and honor to the people that left their home and their country to go and help other people under often impossible circumstances. Charity organizations, rescue workers, social workers with a heart. Fundraisers, musicians and other artists bringing the message through their work.
This world is full of hope! We just need to see it. And once we do, we have a responsibility to spread it. Fight for it, make people aware, light that spark that can be lit in each and every one of us, hidden under all the numbness. It can be done. And I trust that it will be done. But it is a lot of work. And it will take a lot of time, and effort. Or, as the song goes: Many rivers to cross.
So much violence, war, hatred and destruction is going on. In their hunger for power governments all over the world are taking decisions that only lead to more violence, more hatred and thus more war and destruction. People are starving while others have more money than they will ever be able to use for themselves. We are killing each other, killing this planet and it seems as if we all think this is perfectly normal and perfectly okay. We have become numb, living our own life as well as possible, and trying to ignore what is happening to the rest of the world.
We, all of us, have been poisoned. Nobody knows when and how exactly and the poison is non tracable and very slowly working. But it is in our veins and it is killing us. And meanwhile it is making us insensitive to all the badness that is going on. Oh yeah, another murder, another town blown to bits, another country dying of a killing disease. Yeah, it's terrible, what's for dinner?
There is an antidote. It is very easily obtainable, in fact we all already have it in us and all we need to do is activate it and it will start breaking down the poison. Its name is hope. Hope for a future, hope for humanity to finally come to its senses, hope for the planet to be saved before its destruction has reached the point of no return. Hope has the power to make things work, and to make people work together towards solutions and a future.
Unfortunately, many of us have already lost hope. You can see it in their eyes, notice it in the way they continue living without a meaning. The poison has numbed them, and they are asleep. Asleep... but not dead yet. And they can be woken.
All it takes, is for someone to give them a real good shake. Someone who has hope, and is able to light a spark of hope in another person. Just like the poison is spreading like a disease, so can hope do the same thing. Many of us may have lost hope, but that does not mean humanity as a whole has no hope left.
Look around you. See the people that keep on fighting, keep on inspiring others, helping others, teaching and guiding and showing the way. They are everywhere. From the friend that lends an ear or a shoulder to the spiritual leaders of this world. From the teenagers that somehow kept their faith in truth and honor to the people that left their home and their country to go and help other people under often impossible circumstances. Charity organizations, rescue workers, social workers with a heart. Fundraisers, musicians and other artists bringing the message through their work.
This world is full of hope! We just need to see it. And once we do, we have a responsibility to spread it. Fight for it, make people aware, light that spark that can be lit in each and every one of us, hidden under all the numbness. It can be done. And I trust that it will be done. But it is a lot of work. And it will take a lot of time, and effort. Or, as the song goes: Many rivers to cross.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Green
Thursday morning.
Slowly, she emerges from her bedroom, stumbling down the stairs to the kitchen where I am busy making breakfast and preparing the school bags.
"Good morning, Joy"
She mumbles something.
"Start getting dressed, love, I put your clean clothes on the sofa here. I'll be right with you to help you." She takes the small pile of clothes, consisting of pants, sweater, socks, underpants and a t-shirt and puts the t-shirt and underpants aside.
"the clean underwear too, Joy"
A deep frown, she grumbles.
"Is something wrong?"
Silence.
Then: "I don't want to wear this t-shirt. Nor these underpants."
Sigh. Owdear. I'm barely awake, my brain still running in slow motion, but still I am expected to find out what exactly is wrong with the underwear. To ask her directly is not gonna work I fear, but I try anyhow.
"What's wrong with this underwear?"
An angry face, more frowning, and then a response that tells me nothing. "I don't want to wear it".
Think, Kit. What are you overlooking here?
"Sweetheart.. I have cut out all the labels so those can't bother you. I have washed it already, so it doesn't smell like the store anymore and it feels nice and soft. It is wonderful, brand new, soft cotton, I really don't see anything wrong with it".
She looks at me as if I am a total idiot.
"I want to wear this t-shirt, the one I am wearing now, or the other one that is exactly the same".
"Girl.. you've been wearing this one for 2 days now, and the other one is still in the hamper. I bought you new underwear because you always wear those 2 sets only, and I simply can't always wash them in time. And again.. there is nothing wrong with this underwear".
Once more she shakes her head, giving me this "you're so stupid" look. "It's green".
For a split second, I am speechless. Then, I erupt. "But the t-shirt and underpants you are wearing now are green, too!!"
"That is a different type of green".
"On the contrary, it's the exact same green, it just hasn't been washed as many times, it's new but trust me, it's exactly the same type of green".
She puts it back on the sofa as if it's some sort of dirty dead animal and scampers off to the walk in closet.
"What are you going to do?"
"Fetch new underwear"
It's now very late and there is no way we are going to make it to school in time. I decide to stop arguing with her, for now.
When she returns with a set of underwear she apparently does want to wear, I once more have to sigh deeply.
"Joy.. this T-shirt is very old and way too short, and those underpants have a hole in them."
She shrugs. "I want to wear those".
Despair, pure and utter despair and so I try again, even though I should know better. "But.. why????"
She shakes her head and smirks at me. "Mom.... THIS underwear.. is not green!"
Slowly, she emerges from her bedroom, stumbling down the stairs to the kitchen where I am busy making breakfast and preparing the school bags.
"Good morning, Joy"
She mumbles something.
"Start getting dressed, love, I put your clean clothes on the sofa here. I'll be right with you to help you." She takes the small pile of clothes, consisting of pants, sweater, socks, underpants and a t-shirt and puts the t-shirt and underpants aside.
"the clean underwear too, Joy"
A deep frown, she grumbles.
"Is something wrong?"
Silence.
Then: "I don't want to wear this t-shirt. Nor these underpants."
Sigh. Owdear. I'm barely awake, my brain still running in slow motion, but still I am expected to find out what exactly is wrong with the underwear. To ask her directly is not gonna work I fear, but I try anyhow.
"What's wrong with this underwear?"
An angry face, more frowning, and then a response that tells me nothing. "I don't want to wear it".
Think, Kit. What are you overlooking here?
"Sweetheart.. I have cut out all the labels so those can't bother you. I have washed it already, so it doesn't smell like the store anymore and it feels nice and soft. It is wonderful, brand new, soft cotton, I really don't see anything wrong with it".
She looks at me as if I am a total idiot.
"I want to wear this t-shirt, the one I am wearing now, or the other one that is exactly the same".
"Girl.. you've been wearing this one for 2 days now, and the other one is still in the hamper. I bought you new underwear because you always wear those 2 sets only, and I simply can't always wash them in time. And again.. there is nothing wrong with this underwear".
Once more she shakes her head, giving me this "you're so stupid" look. "It's green".
For a split second, I am speechless. Then, I erupt. "But the t-shirt and underpants you are wearing now are green, too!!"
"That is a different type of green".
"On the contrary, it's the exact same green, it just hasn't been washed as many times, it's new but trust me, it's exactly the same type of green".
She puts it back on the sofa as if it's some sort of dirty dead animal and scampers off to the walk in closet.
"What are you going to do?"
"Fetch new underwear"
It's now very late and there is no way we are going to make it to school in time. I decide to stop arguing with her, for now.
When she returns with a set of underwear she apparently does want to wear, I once more have to sigh deeply.
"Joy.. this T-shirt is very old and way too short, and those underpants have a hole in them."
She shrugs. "I want to wear those".
Despair, pure and utter despair and so I try again, even though I should know better. "But.. why????"
She shakes her head and smirks at me. "Mom.... THIS underwear.. is not green!"
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