Angel down

I' ve been called an angel numerous times. I guess this is because it is in my nature to help people, comfort them, pull them out of the pit if they fell in. Don't get me wrong, I don't see this as an achievement of sorts, its just who I am.

But sometimes, it gets too much and I desperately need time to myself without anyone needing me, wanting me. The past weekend was rough. Having hubby and the kids home is always hard because they all need alot of my attention and this weekend was worse than average due to my girl being sick and her being autistic, that means she requires my attention almost constantly.

I did a long DJ session for a sim opening in SL on Saturday night and I kept getting disconnected from the server, so by the time the 5 hours I was scheduled for were almost over I was stressed out to the max. I know it wasn't my fault and that the Internet at times is fallible, but I so would have loved to give those people a good time and good music, instead of spending most of my time trying to reconnect while explaining to them I was really trying to get back on and that I was sorry about all this. *sigh*

After that, I of course did not sleep. Had to get up early again on Sunday to do my regular Dj shift at Succubus, and divided my time during the rest of the Sunday between talking to friends (most of which were again "counselling" type of talks) and taking care of my family.

Went to bed on time, was woken by the alarm at 7 still feeling miserable and overtly tired, dragged myself to school to take my son there, and now back home, taking care of my sick girl, tidying up some of the mess the family created over the weekend (toys everywhere, hubby's desk looking like an ash tray on feet, etc.) and preparing for my next DJ session at the club.

An online lover approaches me, we talk and virtually cuddle some, he wants sex and I turn him down. And feel bad for doing so but.. I dont have the time now, nor the energy, nor even the sex drive.

And I realize I miss a mate. Somebody to stand by me, to tell me to stop running around like crazy. Somebody who doesn't need anything from me.While selecting music I listen to Frankie goes to Hollywoods "the power of love" and the words echo in my ears.. "I'll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door". And I sigh. Then do what I usually do when this mood strikes me.

I grab Spencers "The art of the warrior" from my desk and read. Take a deep breath, get up to bring my girl tea and some fresh fruit, cuddle her and watch her cling to me and beam at me. Ahhyes. I ground myself by just standing, pushing my feet almost into the floor, raising hands and soaking up the energy around me. Pour myself a large mug of coffee and as I am standing next to the espresso machine waiting for coffee to be ready, I feel my wings unfold again.

To the Batmobile, Robin ;)